Opening my mask
Opening my mask. What in the world does that even mean? And if it means letting people see more of me why in the world would I want to do that?
Many years ago I was married to my first husband. I lived in a cute little neighborhood in Spanish Fork Utah. My marriage was not easy and was not good. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We have a group called Young women for when we are between the ages of 12 and 18. I went to this group all of those years. We learned many things and I absolutely loved it. I remember waking up one morning during my marriage and thinking, All of my young women leaders lied to me. They had all made marriage seem magical. And maybe some of theirs were pretty fantastic. Mine was not. I started to feel like something was wrong with me because it was SO hard. I continued to go to church and wear my mask. I would say things are good when people would ask. I smiled and never told people how hard things were. I was in a marriage that was emotionally and mentally abusive.
I am not a weak woman. I couldn’t figure out how I could possibly be in this position. I was educated, I worked with people who had been abused. I knew the cycle and the signs. Yet here I was sitting in a very unhealthy relationship. How did I get here? And I felt so alone!
I later found out that not only was I going through an abusive relationship but someone in my same neighborhood was going through something very similar. Both of us didn't talk. Didn't tell others. Put on our masks each day we walked out of our house and pretended that everything was ok.
Some of this is cultural. Some of this is human nature. Some of it is trying to protect ourselves. After I was out of this relationship I promised myself that I would speak up. That I would share my crazy so others would know that there crazy was okay.
We all put on a mask. And I am not saying we shouldn't. Can you imagine if we all went into work every day without it. Not a pretty site. However, I am saying that it doesn't always serve me. And it doesn't always serve others around me.
Many years ago I was married to my first husband. I lived in a cute little neighborhood in Spanish Fork Utah. My marriage was not easy and was not good. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We have a group called Young women for when we are between the ages of 12 and 18. I went to this group all of those years. We learned many things and I absolutely loved it. I remember waking up one morning during my marriage and thinking, All of my young women leaders lied to me. They had all made marriage seem magical. And maybe some of theirs were pretty fantastic. Mine was not. I started to feel like something was wrong with me because it was SO hard. I continued to go to church and wear my mask. I would say things are good when people would ask. I smiled and never told people how hard things were. I was in a marriage that was emotionally and mentally abusive.
I am not a weak woman. I couldn’t figure out how I could possibly be in this position. I was educated, I worked with people who had been abused. I knew the cycle and the signs. Yet here I was sitting in a very unhealthy relationship. How did I get here? And I felt so alone!
I later found out that not only was I going through an abusive relationship but someone in my same neighborhood was going through something very similar. Both of us didn't talk. Didn't tell others. Put on our masks each day we walked out of our house and pretended that everything was ok.
Some of this is cultural. Some of this is human nature. Some of it is trying to protect ourselves. After I was out of this relationship I promised myself that I would speak up. That I would share my crazy so others would know that there crazy was okay.
We all put on a mask. And I am not saying we shouldn't. Can you imagine if we all went into work every day without it. Not a pretty site. However, I am saying that it doesn't always serve me. And it doesn't always serve others around me.
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