Why wouldn’t you?

My therapist felt like it would be a good idea for me to look into medication.
I had dealt with depression on and off for years. I had never been on medication. I was not sure that I wanted to go on medication. I had a whole host of reasons that I shouldn’t need to.

I should be able to handle this

I should be able to exercise to make it better

I should be able to do this myself

God would never give me something I can’t handle.

I was “shoulding” all over myself.

I was really struggling with all of this. Then two things happened.

I came to the understanding that God does give us hard things and sometimes hard things just happen because we are human. And he doesn’t expect us not to get help. He expects us to use the resources available.

And second I had a conversation with my older brother. He asked me if I had high blood pressure would I be willing to go on blood pressure medication. I answered of course. Then he said “then why wouldn’t you go on medication if it would help your depression.”

Why wouldn’t I.

Why wouldn’t I do all I could to help myself get through this.

I was willing to see a therapist

Why wouldn’t I go on medication if it would help.

The stigma I felt about going on an antidepressant was real. I felt like I was even more broken or more messed up if I couldn’t handle it without medication.

Why wouldn’t I... I had a therapist telling me it would be a good idea.

Why wouldn’t I..... I had severe depression and anxiety.

After the conversation with my brother I realized the stigma was wrong. My thought processes where wrong. Why wouldn’t I do all I could to fight for me.

So I went to a doctor and got on medication and it was the best choice I could make for me at the time. I was still able to feel and process. Though I didn’t become so overwhelmed that I shut down.

Taking medication did not mean I was more broken. It did not mean I was incapable. It did not mean I was a failure or I was worthless or any of the other things I was telling myself.

Taking medication meant I was working at being a better me. Taking medication meant I was willing to process. Taking medication meant I wanted to heal. So why wouldn’t I take medication.

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