And now I am nervous!
I started with an amazing therapist. It was easy to go in and start talking. I can easily talk about everything that has happened in life and detach from the emotion. Not always a good thing. I told her that I was definitely suffering from depression. Again - I was educated and working in the field of social work. On the second session she sent me home with some paperwork. She wanted me to take an anxiety scale and a depression scale.
I went home and sat at the table. I decided that I would do the depression scale first because I knew I had depression. I wasn’t sure why she wanted me to do the anxiety scale. I told myself that I would be brutally honest with my answers. At the end of the depression questionnaire I added up all the points.
I was shocked! I knew I had depression but how was it possible that I would score as having SEVERE DEPRESSION! This was not possible. I got up every day, I went to work, I participated in things. How could I possibly have severe depression.
Then my roommate walked in and I told her what I had scored. I looked at her and said
And now I am nervous to take the anxiety scale!
She tried not to laugh as I said this. I hadn’t even realized what I was saying. I looked at her and turned around and took the anxiety questionnaire.
Again I was shocked by the outcome. I scored moderate to severe anxiety as well. How was this possible! In my mind people who scored so high on these questionnaires where not functioning. They were laying at home curled up in a ball, not showering, and covered in food crumbs. Definitely not saying this isn’t what I wanted to do. And sometimes I did. It just didn’t make sense to me how I could be scoring that high.
The next appointment with my therapist I walked in and handed them to her and immediately asked how in the world this was possible. I was a functioning human being. I went to work, I interacted with others. My therapist looked at me and told me I was just a high functioning severely depressed person. That I did have severe depression and anxiety.
This was so eye opening to me. I was familiar with depression and anxiety. I had worked for years with people with both. And here I was shocked that it could look this way. Depression and anxiety can look as many different ways as people who have depression and anxiety. I had to take a step back and say. Ok, this is really were I am and ok. So what if I have severe depression and anxiety? What does that mean about me?
What I realized is it meant I was still me. And the only thing that had changed is I needed help. I was at a point that I couldn’t do it on my own. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet other than I was now willing to open up and accept help.
Needing help didn’t mean I was sick, bad or wrong.
Needing help didn’t mean I was weak.
Needing help didn’t mean that I was less than.....
And needing help meant that I could get better.
I went home and sat at the table. I decided that I would do the depression scale first because I knew I had depression. I wasn’t sure why she wanted me to do the anxiety scale. I told myself that I would be brutally honest with my answers. At the end of the depression questionnaire I added up all the points.
I was shocked! I knew I had depression but how was it possible that I would score as having SEVERE DEPRESSION! This was not possible. I got up every day, I went to work, I participated in things. How could I possibly have severe depression.
Then my roommate walked in and I told her what I had scored. I looked at her and said
And now I am nervous to take the anxiety scale!
She tried not to laugh as I said this. I hadn’t even realized what I was saying. I looked at her and turned around and took the anxiety questionnaire.
Again I was shocked by the outcome. I scored moderate to severe anxiety as well. How was this possible! In my mind people who scored so high on these questionnaires where not functioning. They were laying at home curled up in a ball, not showering, and covered in food crumbs. Definitely not saying this isn’t what I wanted to do. And sometimes I did. It just didn’t make sense to me how I could be scoring that high.
The next appointment with my therapist I walked in and handed them to her and immediately asked how in the world this was possible. I was a functioning human being. I went to work, I interacted with others. My therapist looked at me and told me I was just a high functioning severely depressed person. That I did have severe depression and anxiety.
This was so eye opening to me. I was familiar with depression and anxiety. I had worked for years with people with both. And here I was shocked that it could look this way. Depression and anxiety can look as many different ways as people who have depression and anxiety. I had to take a step back and say. Ok, this is really were I am and ok. So what if I have severe depression and anxiety? What does that mean about me?
What I realized is it meant I was still me. And the only thing that had changed is I needed help. I was at a point that I couldn’t do it on my own. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet other than I was now willing to open up and accept help.
Needing help didn’t mean I was sick, bad or wrong.
Needing help didn’t mean I was weak.
Needing help didn’t mean that I was less than.....
And needing help meant that I could get better.
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